Listicles and what nots

As I inch closer to my 28th birthday, a decade away from home, figuring out my way through this thing called life, I look back at the mistakes I have made, the awesome things I have achieved, the struggles that I have lived through and the realities I deal with every day. I may not be perfect but I am slowly making my peace with that. I have way too many people to thank, some old, some brand new, some who are not a part of my story anymore and some I hope never again will be.  My friends make fun of my love of listicles but hell I made my own!

  1. Honesty might be tough but honesty guarantees peace of mind
  2. Family is of two kinds – one you are born into and the other is the one you choose
  3. Family comes before work and everything else. If your people are not on your priority list, either they are the wrong people or you are doing something wrong.
  4. Confidence is innate and one’s issues need to be acknowledged and addressed to gain true confidence that no one can touch or break.
  5. It is rare to have parents who can treat you like an independent adult and it is a blessing to be able to share an honest friendship with them
  6. Work. Have a career. Have a hobby. Have a passion to pursue. Nothing defines you better and makes you happier than being productive and having a purpose.
  7. Find something you are good that you love and then name your price.
  8. It is a very thin line between ego and self-respect and it takes discipline to exercise the difference
  9. If you care about people you have to show them no matter hard it is. It might not come out the way you planned it to but it is not a bad deal. I am learning this. I hope to get there.
  10. You cannot claim to care about a person when you are only interested in what they can get you in return
  11. The world is full of broken, self-absorbed people. Everyone is hurting but some put up a facade of hurt for attention. The ones who have actual life experience will be the kindest ones trying to do it right and be kind
  12. A sense of gratitude for everything you have ups your chance at happiness
  13. I love people who can make me laugh. I love lame jokes. I love intelligent jokes. I dig sarcasm.
  14. I will always find it easier to write it down than to say things. But conversations are important. Especially the ones that keep you up through the night. They are the best kinds  🙂
  15. I am the party girl living it up on the dance floor, who knows the bartender by name, not giving a damn about anything but a good time. But I am also the girl who likes to sit in her corner with nothing but a book to read or struggling with writer pangs or overthinking about some boy I like or hating people in general. I like that about me.
  16. Genuine people and genuine connections are rare. If it is mutually shared they are totally worth the investment and the work. Anything less is a waste of time.
  17. Life surprises you every now and then. You surprise yourself too. I know I do. Just when I think I have myself all figured out and in a box, I go do something totally different
  18. On that note, boxes and labels- I am quickly losing my need for both. As long as I belong and am happy and appreciated, I am staying
  19. Unrequited love hurts like a motherf***er but hell makes the best inspiration for art, music and literature. The creative ones who can pour it out to create something beautiful of it are the luckiest. They might never feel that way though
  20. Forgiveness is liberating as is the truth. Start with yourself.
  21. Rational living with just the left brain is brilliant because you feel nothing and get shit done. It is terribly stunted and defective and unhealthy for the very same reasons
  22. I hate the hookup culture where everyone is scared to actually know another person. People are losing their depth and substance. Because superficial talk is easy and sex even more so. And it grows old so quickly
  23. I would rather be honest and speak my mind than stew in resentment just to be “cool”. It takes courage and that is kinda cool
  24. People who care about you will never make you feel like any less of a priority because they make time for you and reassure you that you matter when they can’t. Life gets crazy with work commitments, family commitments, social obligations, errands and workouts.. But priorities stick.
  25. When a person makes time for you appreciate it. When a person doesn’t make you feel of consequence, the person isn’t a person you need. Please note I said person. Nobody deserves to be treated as less than a priority
  26. The idea of conflict makes us nervous, the possibility of not being understood is worrisome and sometimes, we even convince ourselves that how we feel doesn’t actually matter. And I am trying to change that
  27. I might like drama after all. It’s scary but it’s like adrenaline. Raw and uninhibited is powerful, feisty and alive and crazy but it takes real courage. I need to embrace that. But I do know too much of it is bad.
  28. I have been irrationally rational. I have been rationally emotional. It is time I learned how to get that right. Let’s hope someone will be able to and willing to teach me how to work on things together
  29. There will be different kinds of love and I am learning that is a good thing
  30. If there is chemistry and connection – physical or mental or emotional. It deserves to be addressed.
  31. Sex is easy. Intimacy not so much. Both combined make things explosive. I want that. I want a man who likes and respects me and is able to treat me as a sexual being as well without a hiccup
  32. You might really like someone but sometimes it is not going to work, because you will be too much of something for them, they might be broken, they might not be ready, you are not what they need right now, they might decide they don’t need you. You will survive that and bounce back
  33. If you like food, we will be thick. If you can cook. Even more so. Foodies are the best people. Also if you love dogs.
  34. If you are smart and hot, great! But if you are funny, compassionate, considerate and generous and attracted to me and unafraid to say it and you keep your word, you are golden!
  35. Clarity of intention would make a lot of shrinks poorer.
  36. It surprises me when someone doesn’t want to be someone’s priority. When that scares them that they can’t return it. You only do accept the love you think you deserve. I have run away too. I know. But it is flattering
  37. If you feel unwanted or underappreciated, walk. But sometimes try to understand what it is you might be doing wrong
  38. I might not want the fairytale romance, the ball and chain yet but I want something real that tests my limits, makes me want to be uncomfortable, someone cares enough to call me out on my crap and have the willingness to go the mile for as long as it is with respect. And then I want to do all kinds of things with and for such a person for as long as it makes us happy
  39. Even the almost ones matter
  40. You can be a partner or a repairman to someone. You can’t be both
  41. I respect friendships. But I think the “friendzone” is a whole lot of shit.
  42. Sometimes you would rather be just friends with someone because you don’t trust yourself to not f*** it up and you can’t bear to not have them in your life. But then you are not friends anyway.
  43. I have always laughed cliches off till that became a cliche. Don’t write cliches off. They exist for a reason
  44. Children get it. Things are simple. Adults complicate everything. I hate that about growing old.
  45. Introspect. Like a personal performance review. Your goals. Your needs. Your wants. Your purpose. They change. Everything is fluid. Question everything. Even yourself every now and then
  46. Commit to being your best self. Find someone with the same goals. Be with someone who pushes you to be better and build something together
  47. You should never feel guilty about how you feel or for wanting more. You deserve it and if someone won’t give it you deserve another
  48. Life and people deserve celebration every now and then because giving and receiving surprises is the best thing! It is awesome to make someone happy!
  49. Karaoke is soul food. So is travel. Do both.
  50. Take charge of your happiness and responsibility of your actions, you will be fine. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a practice.

A little wise. A little foolish. Forever a child. But slowly a woman. To more years. To being present. To letting go. And to taking it all in.

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A Strange Thing Called Love

I have always fancied myself a cynic of sorts after a teenage breakup that ripped my self esteem apart and everything in between. We have all had our share. But I was the classic case of once bitten forever shy.

I thought the closet romantic wanted to stay right inside where she was, inside the closet never to see the light of day. I went through a phase of utter aloofness and sheer caution to the point it became a way of life at least in romance. I put myself in the zone where you assume the worst and are so prepared for it to happen that it actually does.

Then you go through this utterly liberating phase where you do whatever, go wherever, say whatever, eat however. And it’s awesome. The freedom is addictive. It has a high like no other. Then you get used to it. If you do it right, you get to become self aware, know your likes and dislikes. Some people don’t work out. They make sense in theory and make a mess in practice and make you thank your lucky stars that you are still your own person. You are unwilling to compromise and make sacrifices. Because that is what they feel like. Like punishment.

I also always fancied myself a one man kinda woman, the typical there is only one great love kind of woman. And I imagined I had had my share whatever had been served. Never known it for myself but felt it for another. And then I grew up. Then I grew up to learn there are different kinds of love. Some loves you can define. Some loves you can limit. Some loves you rather not have. Also to learn that sometimes it is everything you ever needed and wanted and nothing like what you imagined. And then sometimes you meet a person who makes you forgo all preconceived notions.

Then you meet a person who makes the grown woman feel like a child again! Then you meet the person who simplifies everything to a point where everything is crystal clear. Suddenly the fiercely protected independence doesn’t feel threatened. Suddenly you know you have the space to be yourself while belonging to another person while letting them be themselves too. Suddenly consequences are irrelevant. Where there is no place for confusion or need of games. I always thought they were beautiful lines when I read them but I scoffed at them and sniggered too. But suddenly, unexpectedly sometimes you meet someone whose very existence explains why no one else made sense at all.

Sometimes this person is a stranger. Sometimes it is an old dear friend in a new light. But it is a kindred always. Because you are just happy even if you are not doing anything in particular. Because in the end no matter what, there remains a distinct inexplicable fondness. This fondness that makes you smile. And sometimes that is enough.

It is strange. It is a strange thing. This thing called love.

 

 

 

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10 Things I Will Do If I Love You

Thought Catalog

1. When the sun starts coming in through the window, somewhere between 6 and 7 AM, and I worry that the light will be too strong against our faces, I will roll over and go back to sleep. I won’t duck into the bathroom to make myself seem fresh and well-rested, because I’ll know that you still want me when I’m tired and messy.

2. If we both look down at the last slice of pizza, and know that we both want it, I won’t let you have it — because I love you, but I still love myself, too — but I will offer to cut it in half. I’ll lovingly take out that knife and slice it right down the middle, a perfect representation of all the things I want to share with you, 50/50. (But if you offer it all to me, I’ll definitely take it, so…

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We Shouldn’t Feel Guilty For Wanting Something More

Thought Catalog

He's Just Not That Into YouHe’s Just Not That Into You

I like to pretend that I’m the girl who is okay with casual, who doesn’t mind being your fling and moving along a few weeks down the road. The girl who isn’t offended or hurt when she is blown off, the girl who has better things to do than spend time with you anyway. 

The independent, unattached, self-sufficient, okay-with-hook-ups girl that society tells me I should be. 

But I’m not that girl. The truth is, I fall in love easily – with words, with ideas, with situations and even with people. As much as I hate to admit it, you were no exception. 

[tc-related]

From the moment I met you, you put me at ease – something that rarely happens. You understood me, the deepest, darkest struggles of my being, because you had been there. You let me know it was okay to still…

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How To Love A Girl Like Her

Thought Catalog

Be prepared to feel like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks.

Get ready to experience the best and worst things all at once. Be willing to endure the words she says that can go from the most painful and isolating to the most perfect and heavenly. Know that you are fighting an uphill battle. Understand why she guards her heart the way she does. Notice the pain behind her eyes. Admire her strength and conviction. Revel in the moments when she lets you in. Recognize that even though they’re short, those moments mean more than you know.

Watch her try to find herself in the arms of another. Be patient. Drive her home and say good night. Allow her to go while knowing she’s not completely gone.

See her heart get broken. Help her pick up the pieces. Put her to bed after you’ve held her hair back…

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What If We Gave This Thing Between Us A Shot?

Thought Catalog

What if:

You were across the table.

You listened as I told stories about my life that very few people knew about. Silent, sitting still, staring at me as I poured out my frustrations and unraveled the complicated chapters of my life, laying them open on the table so that you could have a glimpse of my tumultuous world and decide whether you’ll leave, or stay right where you are… silent, sitting still, and staring while billows of smoke from our cigarettes cloud the air between us and surround us with thin wisps that dissolve just as fast as our resolve to keep this meeting purely platonic.
And then you were beside me.

I listened as you told bits and pieces about your life, creating in my head a seemingly vague idea of who you are. Staccato, the manner in which you spoke about your life. Hesitant, like you weren’t…

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5 Things You Should Know About Strong Women

Aye to all.

Thought Catalog

image - Flickr / ►►haley image – Flickr / ►►haley

1. Strong women cry

Strong women may seem tough, but they also need to cry. There are moments that they are vulnerable and they won’t show it to other people. Only the four corners of their room will see just how fragile strong women can be. But being the strong women that they are, they will manage to get up in the morning and face another day.

2. Strong women need help

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Strong women need someone to whom she can look to for support. It’s not everyday they can handle things on their own. There are days that they get tired of being strong. They need someone who will make them feel that it is okay to be not okay for a little while. They need someone who will simply hug them and will make them feel that they are not alone…

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